Hello again everyone.
It seems that it is the season for scammers. My mailbox seems to be full of scam sucking email instead of Christmas cheer. What in the heck?
For example, this illiterate keeps sending me the following email:
With all sincerity and humility it is with deep pains i write you this message of wishful assistance to my predicament.
Me: Huh? “Wishful assistance?”
I am Raymond Taylor the only son of last wife to the former president of Liberia who was asked by unanimous decision by the international community to step down from the corridors of power .
Me: Sure you are. And I am Pope Francis.
I write you this mail under duress and as a result of my recent decision to better the lives of me.
Me: What are the “lives of me”.
I have made a decision which i know might not be good in the sight of man but the present situation has led me to this decision to better the lives of me.Currently now have decided to make do with the sum of six hundred million us dollars(600.000.000)United States Dollars belonging to my father in which i am a benefiaciary,when he went into exile in Nigeria. In 2006.
Me: OK, So you are going to “make do” with six hundred million dollars? You poor soul. I could make do with one percent of that.
On 29 March, My father tried to cross the border into Cameroon through the border town of Gamboru in northeastern Nigeria . His Range Rover with Nigerian diplomatic plates was stopped by border guards, and Taylor ‘s identity was eventually established.State Department staff later reported that significant amounts of cash were found in the vehicle.
Upon his arrival at Roberts International Airport in Harbel , Liberia , Taylor was arrested and handcuffed by LNP officers, who then immediately transferred custody of Taylor to the United Nations Mission in Liberia (UNMIL). Irish UNMIL soldiers then escorted Taylor aboard a UN helicopter to Freetown, Sierra Leone ,where he was delivered to the SCSL.
Me: What does any of this have to do with your desire to better the life of you? I am most interested in your bettering the life of me.
I have decided to relocate with your assistance to your private account the said sum.My decision was reached when i could not conceive the thought that after the United States Government has promised to let my father go free based on the condition that he should step down Mr.Collin Powell stated in a press briefing that he would be indicted by the court in Netherlands to face charges on war crimes,this is what led to my decision as God Knows that i was never in support of his involvement in the indecent maltreating of innocent people in Politics.
Me: So let me get this straight. Your father is some kind of rich criminal. And you are upset that the US wants to have him prosecuted because you thought that he could go free if he stepped down from the leadership position in which he committed the crimes for which he is charged? Seems like he should have gotten that in writing.
This decision is hard for me to make but i just have to make it for the sake of my me future.Currently the said sum was lodged in a safety deposit box in a financial company Institution which i will disclose to you as a matter of commitment to me and this plea for assistance. I currently have the deposit certificate and can draw up a change of beneficiary mandate to effect you as the beneficiary to the funds.
Me: I am beginning to figure out that for the sake of my me future, I should throw this email in the trash.
I am a trained economist by profession and it is in this line that i will want you to take note that your services for assisting me will be compensated to the best of my ability.
Me. Compensated “to the best of your ability”. What if you have no such ability. I guess in that case I am out in the cold.
I have this to look forward to so i would like you to keep this project close to your heart just as myself pending when we reach the conclusive end of this project. I will want you as a matter of confidentiality to respond through this mail and also include your telephone number as well so that i can give you a call if the need arises as we are currently on political asylum now in west africa.
Me: Now he thinks we might need to talk on the phone. Not a chance. The NSA is tapping everything and I am sure that my talking to this idiot will get me in big trouble.
Once get your confirmation that you can be of assistance i will bring you into a clearer picture of the situation at hand.
I look forward to your response with great hope of assistance.
Me. The situation at hand is that you are a scum bag scamming sob. I hope your asylum is revoked and you are transported by camel to Chad for execution.
I remain Yours Truly,
If you receive such an email, please delete it with all humility and dispatch. It will not improve the lives of you, but only the lives of the scum sucking scammer who sent it to you.
Here’s to the future of my me.
Thanks for reading and stay tuned.