The Mysterious Case of the Velvet Pants

_MG_8986Hello again everyone.

There is mystery and suspense surrounding Rojass these days.  And its all about her new velvet pants from J. Crew.  When she modeled them for me the very first time she was so excited I was amazed.  How can anyone be THAT excited about a pair of pants?  I mean I remember trying on corduroy pants the first time and thinking they were very cool.  [Actually, corduroy  pants are kinda hot in the summer.]

Anyway, I get the courduroy level of happiness, but Rojass was WAY over the top. (Is velvet really that much better?)  Her hands kept rubbing her thighs (and butt – but I didn’t really see that part) as though the rubbing action was some sort of really powerful drug.  She was in love with her new velvet pants and her enthusiasm made all of us fall in love with her pants as well.  (I’d order a pair for myself if I could — and was assured that no one would laugh at me for wearing them.)

Now fast forward to New Year’s Eve.  Rojass left the house for a party in Columbia, Missouri wearing her h.o.t. new pants (and a cammo shirt — not sure about the shoes).  I was concerned about her safety, worried that she might not keep her hands on the wheel while driving, given the effect rubbing her pants has on her.  But she was off before I could suggest covering herself with a blanket while driving.  (She arrived at the party, so I guess there was no problem.)

Now word has it that there was some drinking at the party and that Rojass participated in that activity.  This, in turn, led to Rojass finding herself outdoors facing a fence that needed to be climbed.  (This happens to me all the time.)  Not thinking about the danger to her new velvet pants (or the amount of alcohol that she had consumed) Rojass mounted the fence and pulled herself up and over.  Somewhere in the “up and over” the fence grabbed her new velvet pants …. and tore them.

When she realized what had happened she became sick with grief.  Her new velvet pants were ruint.  Her New Years ruint.  Her happiness ruint.  AUUUUGGGGGHHHHHHHH!

IMG_2941Looking at a photo of the ruint pants we see the mysterious tear.  It runs in two directions.  One horizontally across the thigh.  The other vertically down the thigh.  The two tears originating from the same spot.  Its as though there was a pull tab at the intersection of the tears that when pulled, ripped the pants across and down at the same time.

Maybe she rubbed the pants too much before she climbed the fence, weakening the material at the very spot from which the tears ran.  No one knows for sure.  It is a mystery that requires further investigation.

In the mean time, Rojass found that she could order a new pair on line.  They have already been shipped, and she is anxiously awaiting their delivery.  I hear she plans on converting the old pair to shorts and putting them away until the weather warms up.  I think she imagines a future in velvet heaven.

I was curious, so I googled “velvet” and found this nice jacket.  Maybe Rojass would like a jacket to go with her new pants.  Take a look:

purple_velvet1__32891.1356648191.1000.1000

I think it is what they call a “smoking” jacket, but I don’t think you have to smoke to wear it.  You would want to wear a shirt under it though.

Thanks for reading and stay tuned.

 

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