Today we say goodbye to four of our devoted gang members: Jane, Scout (Jenna), Rojass and the Fabulous One. They violated gang rules and I had no choice but to kick them out of camp.
What rule, you say? Well the rule that prohibits harboring that murderer, Curly Bill, in camp. As the photo taken just yesterday by my private investigator, Wyatt Earp, shows, Curly Bill is back in camp … no doubt planning to take out the rest of Earl’s family. I can see right through his sunglass disguise.
Before they go, I have decided to give each of them one last chance to blog in their own defense. I am certain that they will fill this page with lies, but then again, you knew that already.
The first to blog her defense is Rojass:
I know no loyalty to that baggy butt Curly Bill. However, he is a delight to be around and drives the mountain passes with beautiful grace.
I understand your sorrow as we leave camp today in order to go make more money in our usual places of impropriety. I can’t speak for the others, but I will miss your offensive, high-heel wearing leadership. Have peace in the fact that I will be making you “a lotta money down there in Chicago.” No one drinks, gambles, or offends quite like yourself.
Eternally Yours to Torture and Abuse,
Dear traveling companions,
Eat, play, sleep, drink. Eat, play, sleep, drink. That is our motto. Keep it that way.
I will miss our rousing games of poker, dips in the Hot Springs, and long swigs from the bottle. Of course, most of all, I will miss Ringo’s leadership. He reminds me very much of Wild Bill … that old hooligan.
Long days and peaceful nights,
After a week and a half in Johnny Ringo’s camp, I do declare that the man is, perhaps, not as awful as I had initially assumed. After all, my dearest parents, Curly Bill and his mistress, came to my rescue, but found me in good health and went on their merry way! Even Johnny’s troupe of women have found their way into my good graces. They are, in fact, a kind and compassionate lot, and have taught me much about the ways of the world. I particularly enjoyed our profitable evenings in Ouray. As I am about to depart (for now that I have realized my true calling and the persuasive nature of drink and dance, I have chosen to strike out on my own), I can only say thank you to my captors, and may good health prevail with him and his! I shall never again speak ill of Johnny Ringo!
I must set the record straight. I did not harbor any “Curly Bill.” I resent the horrible accusation and must protest this horrible injustice of being thrown out of camp!!! I have evidence that the picture at the top of this blog has been doctored. Not to mention, the REAL Curly is MUCH more attractive than that wrinkly snarly face!
How RUDE that Ringo would suggest that the picture is the real Curly Bill! Everyone knows that it is that sniveling Kelvin B. Kent!!!!
Well, like most of the innocents that are wrongly accused, there is not much I can do to save my sorry self. My fate has been sealed by the powers that be and can only reconcile with my eventual demise.
I would like to say thank you to all who have shown me kindness in these final days; I know it is not easy to befriend an enemy of the state. May your reputations repair in time.
Good Luck and Good Night!
The Fabulous One
Just a friendly neighborhood reminder that this man is the real crook and is wanted for offenses so crass that they cannot be mentioned here:
Also, please keep a look out for Herman.