Report From The Academy Awards

Hello again everyone.

The Academy Awards Show has not yet begun, but I have been scolded for judging a woman on the red carpet.  She is so white she glows and needs to eat to avoid dying of starvation.  My daughter, the Fabulous One, admonished me that I should listen to what she was saying instead of judging her looks.  Gimme a break.


The entire red carpet experience is intended for the male audience to ogle the contestants. I mean, what are all the dresses about anyway.  Most missing the part that would cover their boobs.

Did you know that Justin Timberlake and Jessica Biel are married?  I didn’t.  Charlise Theron is the hottest woman walking.  Hands down.  Halle Berry has big hair.  Gotta be a wig.

OK, so the show started.  Everyone here agrees that it was a good start.  Laughs about Jimmy Kimmel’s shot at Justin Timberlake.  Then Jimmy poked fun at virtually everyone, including Meryl Streep, for “phoning it in” for so many years.

[Annie, Andrew and Ellie hit the road.]

[Award … award … award.  Commercial … commercial … commercial.]

Charlise Theron is soooooo H.O.T.!!

[Theresa and Jordan hit the road.  The Old Lady goes to “stretch it out”.]

[Award … award … award.  Commercial … commercial … commercial.]

Finally, the best picture award.  Drum roll please.  The winner is … “La La Land”.

[Speech … speech … speech.]

OK, so the show just ended.  What in the world happened?  La La Land won best picture.  Then they didn’t win the best picture.  Moonlight did.  Lots of confusion.  People leaving the stage, people coming on the stage.  Jimmy Kimmel is ad libbing one liners.  One after another.  Including “We have Steve Harvey to thank for this!”


The show winds up without any explanation.  Did the accountants screw up.  Did Jimmy Kimmel rig the final announcement?  We’ll have to read about it, I guess.

Thanks for reading and stay tuned.

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